The Wonders of Miscommunication
by Marie Chambers
Summary: The Doctor makes a very convincing argument on why Rose should have sex with him. Rose misses the point, spectacularly.


**A/N: Weee, hello everyone! Thought I needed a little break from the angst, angst fest that is Finding Home, so here's some fluffy, crackish, fluff for ya. This is rated M purely for talk of sexual things, no actual _engaging_ will be found in this fic. At least not that is seen ;)**

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**The Wonders of Miscommunication**

"I think we should engage in sexual intercourse."

Rose, who was flipping through a book and not much paying attention to the awkward, shuffling Time Lord in front of her, hummed idly in response. Taking this as permission to continue the proposal of the rather brilliant argument he'd been forming for the past few hours, simply for this moment, the Doctor stole in a breath.

"First of all, it'll help relieve the tension and I-_you_-" he hastily corrected himself, "seem to be very tense as of late, so really I'm only looking out for your well-being. Think of all those chemicals that'll be released! Oxytocin and dopamine, both of which are very, very important for your continued health and the reduction of your stress levels. That's simply a scientific fact. Plus, I know humans have very healthy sexual drives, so I'm simply trying to be more accommodating of you. I wouldn't be a very generous host if I wasn't providing for all of your needs, Rose. Furthermore-"

Rose was completely engrossed in her book, and not the Time Lord who was now pacing in front of her as he continued his speech. The book really _was_ rather fascinating, after all. Since she had started traveling with the Doctor, she'd found herself in the library more and more often, trying to make up for never having finished her A-levels. The Doctor was delighted by her pursuit and he oftentimes curled up with her on the sofa to do some reading of his own. He always loved to discuss the books she was reading with her, eagerly gathering her perspective and sometimes even engaging her in arguments over certain points. The best part, however, was his proud smile. That was what she really did it for.

Her current reading choice was one of her own picks, rather than one the Doctor had suggested for her, and she was excited to finish it so that she could share her thoughts on it with him. It was a book from the 51st century, something she'd picked because it reminded her of Jack. She'd been hoping that this book could provide her with a better understanding of him through the cultural context it provided. She knew she could always just ask the Doctor to take her to the 51st century, if she wanted, but there was something thrilling about reading up on a subject herself and then surprising him with it later on. Catching the Doctor off guard was hard to do and she thrilled in the moments she could.

"-so what do you say?"

Rose blinked, and found that the Doctor was standing in front of her with a nervous air about him, his eyes focused on hers imploringly. She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts away. How long had he been standing there rambling on? She wasn't sure, but she instantly felt guilty that she'd been ignoring him. Setting her book aside, Rose looked up to give him her full attention. He was still looking at her as if he was waiting for her to say something, so Rose coughed a little and said, "Umm, sorry. What was that?"

The Doctor frowned and pulled on his ear. "I asked, 'what do you say?'"

Rose licked her lips, nervously and watched as his eyes zeroed in on the movement with something akin to longing. Only that couldn't be right. Rose pushed the ridiculous thought aside. This was not the time to be _fantasizing_. Especially since the Doctor didn't do that sort of thing. Focusing back in on her current predicament, Rose regarded the eager, hopeful look on the Doctor's face. Not wanting to admit that she hadn't been paying one ounce of attention to him and his enthusiastic ramble, Rose said, "Umm, yeah. Sure. Sounds good." He'd probably just come to tell her about some amazing planet that he wanted to take her to anyway, and was looking to see if she was ready to go.

The Doctor seemed to relax immediately at her agreement, a lopsided smile overtaking his face. "Brilliant."

Gallantly, he offered her his hand and a giggling Rose took it, allowing him to pull her up from the sofa. He then took up a quick stride out of the room, practically bursting with infectious exuberance as he pulled her along...only this was definitely not the direction to the console room. Rose frowned.

"Doctor, where are we-"

But before she could finish her sentence, they were already stopping right outside her bedroom door. The Doctor was still undeniably excited, but his former nervousness had seemed to creep back up on him during their quick jaunt to her room. He was shifting his weight from one foot to the other as they stood in front of her door. Rose's eyebrows furrowed at the odd proceedings. Perhaps he wanted her to change or something? Her outfit was after all more for lounging, and maybe he was planning to take her somewhere a little more fancy? If only she had been paying attention to him earlier! The Doctor was still just standing there, looking at her in barely contained expectation, and so, shrugging, Rose tossed open the door.

She stepped inside, the Doctor following closely behind her. Which was again odd. Not that he'd never been in her room before, because he had been numerous times before, but if the reason they had come to her room was so that she could change into something more appropriate for the next planet they were visiting, then why in the world had he needed to follow her?

She really should have just asked him to repeat himself earlier instead of getting herself entangled into this mess. Not wanting to make the same mistake again and find herself out on an ice cold planet with shorts and a t-shirt, or any other number of wardrobe malfunctioning situations, Rose asked, "What should I wear then?"

The Doctor turned red. Not just a little red, but fire-truck engine red. He opened his mouth a few times, but couldn't seem to get any words out as he gaped at her. His eyes dropped to take in what she had on now and he swallowed thickly. Finally, he squeaked out, his eyes focused on his trainers, "W-what you have on now is fine...Beautiful even!" Then seeming to gather courage, the Doctor met her eyes and said, "It's not like it'll matter soon...anyway."

Rose's eyebrows furrowed. "What?"

The Doctor's eyes skittered away and he merely shrugged, unable to muster up the courage to repeat himself.

"Ooookay," Rose dragged out.

There was an awkward silence where the Doctor took great interest in everything but her and Rose took great interest in trying to figure out why he was acting so odd.

Needing to break the silence in some way, Rose tried a different approach. "So will it be hot or cold then?"

The Doctor began coughing violently. Alarmed Rose rushed towards him, patting him on the back. "Are you alright?" she asked as he began calming down.

"Fine, fine," he wheezed. "Sorry, I just wasn't expecting...Not that...It's a legitimate question I suppose, my skin is cooler than yours and we hold hands frequently so you were bound to notice and be curious if, well," he turned a delightful shade of pink, before trying again, "_Anyway_, I guess it just depends on the...perspective. For you, a bit colder than your used to, but nothing alarming."

Rose narrowed her eyes. "Is this you trying to take a dig at my biology not being superior again? Do you not think I can handle a little cold, Doctor?"

The Doctor's eyes widened. "No, no I didn't say that! When did I say that? No, I was just, just, stating the facts! I, I...you might even...enjoy it, maybe." He winced at this, in obvious embarrassment. "The point is, I think your biology is, is..._lovely_! Very lovely!" His eyes trailed down her body again and then back up to meet her eyes. Rose felt her mouth curve upwards just a little, despite her bafflement. It wasn't often that she could get the Doctor so flustered. At the appearance of her smile he seemed to relax again and he gave her his own smile in return.

"I've been reading up on it, you know," he blurted out, apropos to nothing, and Rose only felt her confusion grow as he continued to babble on at a continually rapid manner. "I must admit it'll be a bit different to what I'm used to. Probably why I've never really bothered with it until now. That's all right though. Brilliant in fact! Love new experiences, me. Only I'm telling you this so, you know...maybe you can..." He made a series of hand gestures that left Rose feeling rather lost.

"Umm..."

"Only if you want to of course," he hurried to assure her. His hands went up to ruffle his hair and nervousness once more fell over him.

Rose just shook her head. There was no hope that she was going to figure out what he was going on about. "Yeah, alright then," she said. "Guess I'll just change?"

The Doctor brightened at this perceived moving forward of events. "Yeah, sure if that's what you want to do!" Rose nodded and then with one last confused look in his direction, she moved towards her wardrobe, closing the door firmly behind her as she went.

Taking in a deep breath on the other side of the door, Rose turned to the selection of her clothes, decidedly stuffing the Doctor's strange behavior far out of her mind. He'd said that it might be a bit cooler than she was used to, so quickly, not wanting to leave him alone for too long, she gathered a light jacket, a scarf, and a pair of mittens to go with her outfit. Satisfied, with her choices, Rose stepped back out of her wardrobe and into her room.

And promptly gasped.

He at least had the decency to look sheepish as he sat there on her bed in only his _pants_.

"Sorry," he said, his hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck, causing the muscles in his very visible abdomen to shift in a way that Rose was very much interested in. "Did, you want to do that part. The, umm, the undressing I mean? Just thought this might, you know, save time..." He gave an awkward chuckle as Rose continued to gape at him. "And, well, me being a Time Lord, I'm all about...saving...time."

Rose made a sound that she was pretty sure was _not_ human.

"Sorry," he said again, his face falling. "I'm mucking this all up, aren't I? Just, umm, a bit nervous actually." He blew out a breath. "Though I did leave my pants on, so maybe you can-" He cut himself off as he finally noticed what she'd changed into. "What are you wearing all that for? You look like you're about to brave the arctic!" His face twisted up in confusion.

Rose still couldn't remember how to speak properly. Her mental faculties were completely focused on the sight of the nearly undressed Doctor.

"Rose?"

"Is this some sort of alien thing?" she finally asked. "Doctor, what are you doing?"

He only looked more confused by this. "I thought we were going to have sex now."

Rose felt all the air leave her lungs. "What did you just say?"

"I thought we were going to have sex?" He sounded less sure this time, and when he blushed, Rose watched it travel down his chest and into the sparse hair that covered it.

Rose squeezed her eyes shut, but when she opened them again, he was still there. She took him in, unable to help herself from looking her fill as he sat on her bed in just those tight, sleek boxer briefs that left little to the imagination. And he was sitting on her bed in just those pants, Rose thought with disbelief, because apparently he'd decided that he wanted to have _sex_ with her. It left Rose reeling. Surely this was some sort of dream?

"Well, I certainly didn't get the memo on that, Doctor!"

"Oh," he said, and his voice sounded just the tiniest bit vulnerable. "I thought I had made it all rather clear."

Rose couldn't help thinking back on their whole conversation up to this point: Asking him what she should change into, those hand gestures he'd made, and the - Oh god, he'd actually thought she was asking him about the temperature of his bits! His _bits_!

Rose shook her head. "Definitely wasn't clear to me."

The Doctor apparently had nothing to say to this, instead he averted his gaze and pushed his lanky frame up from her bed in stiff, jerky movements. He grabbed the neat stack of his clothes from the dresser and wordlessly began pulling on his pin-striped trousers.

"Now wait just a minute," Rose said, her hands going to her hips. The Doctor didn't so much as look up at her.

"Rose, this is already humiliating enough without-"

He didn't get a chance to finish his sentence because Rose had quite abruptly stalked her way over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck to pull his mouth down to hers for a long snog.

When she pulled away, both of them panting loudly, Rose moved her lips to his ear and smirking, she whispered, "Next time, Doctor, if you want to have sex with me, all you have to do is _ask_."


End file.
